Destiny's brush

Perhaps it was just a brush with a destiny that always took away what I treasured.

It hurt and hurt. It just hurt like that hollow feeling when you first feel a break with a best friend at nursery.

 Ever since I learnt to measure emotional me…Silence a natural reaction to extreme pain and anguish.

I sense you trying and hoping to avoid me.

I realize I had forgotten surrounding and had stared long enough for a speechless moment that just let me question raw pain.

For once perhaps you managed to make me feel unwanted.

I fail to understand your silence, your indifference.

I just feel a deep sense of humiliation.

I know I have withdrawn within.

With you am incapable of ego conflict nor the comfort of anger.

With one who helped me through moments of alone ness perhaps the undoing can only create a deep hurting within the realms of the mind and the heart.

It is you I chose to confide in. Perhaps you just couldn’t stand my stories…vampires, my quest of invisible bells lights horses....guess that was just a peculiar brush with destiny.

Perhaps you will never know what I veiled when I spoke to you of it all.

I wish there was a valid reason for the indifference .
I wish I just knew why I let you hold such power over what I feel and think.

I never let you know you mean life to me, I guess I never will.

And the writing perhaps shall help me survive it all, like it has everything else.