signs again

Today will remain a day I wont forget.

A day that sped through emptiness and then signs that left  a faint trail of a childhood fantasy.

I feel an utter sense of aloneness as I hear a second name spelt as absence through a group talk.

I still within as I realize the absence never bothered to even say so while it knew we had decided to speak.

I felt that sinking feeling that it was almost playing with trust.

I am unsure if I would leave without being able to take leave.

And then I meet somebody whose name I fail to place in mind until he mentions a second name with such familiarity.

Somebody who seems to be born for the field he is in with such sharp observation.

I feel startled at his tone as if he knew the second name he mentioned was a life I trusted in.

I realize the efforts made else how could somebody be able to recall so much.

He speaks with an understanding that surprises me….And then another person walks in…he makes me think of santa claus …perhaps his cuddly bear self or maybe the Christmas air …he spells ‘escapism’ and I process it all holding moments in my hands.

As I walk down, it still weighs down within that he didn’t bother to convey his absence.

I fail to understand his ways.

I needed  a presence so much and it hurt that it had not mattered yet.

And then as if a relief from a myriad emotions within...

 the signs begin… of lights,  bells and brown horses.

I had wanted to speak to him of the signs too. But then I guess with that he will be sure my head is mishmash.