Expression less

Does grief have a origin? A definite origin? Do you remember that first acquaintance with pain? That single flip flop of something inside. When you are baffled at that first break of perfect bliss?Or do you remember that first moment when you realized expression of grief is a luxury? I guess some of us live life backwards. First you learn to make grief look away,then  you learn to wipe grief on a hungry sleeve,later you learn to roll it under a pillow so that no one hears its noise, much later when you lie old decrepit on a creaky,cold cot, as you watch your kids walk by you unseen, unheard, you learn the lack of luxury to weep.